It has been a long, long time since I've written a long post on my blog.. Guess I should post a long one today.. But what should be the topic? What topic can I go on and on? Well.. I guess the topic which I can go on and on is something which I've been experiencing of late.. That is: Love for a girl...
"About A Girl".. This came to my mind when I first thought of my topic for today.. Why? That's because I've been listening to Nirvana of late.. And "About A Girl" happens to be one of the songs which I like.. In addition to this, "About A Girl" is actually a love song written by Kurt Cobain to his then girlfriend.. In spite of the song's twisted lyrics, the song was actually written out of love for his girlfriend.. Yea.. This is what I would like to do for my girlfriend, if I ever have one.. But for my case, I don't think I'll write a love song with twisted lyrics.. It's something that is beyond me.. I'll tend to write more about what I truly feel..
Well.. Back to the main topic.. About A Girl.. Yea.. This is a thought that has been going through my mind for the past 1 week.. Fell in love with a girl around 1 week ago.. A very strange feeling when I first met her.. Love at first sight? Maybe.. Love at first sight is something which I always fail to comprehend, cause it rarely occurs to me.. For the past 20 years of my life, there were 3 girls that left a huge impact on my life, although the first one was the closest to what I can call "love".. But I was only attracted to them after knowing them for some time.. Anyway, nothing came out of all three, cause all were one-sided on my part.. Well.. Since I took a liking to them after knowing them for some time, I thought love at first sight is something which I could never experience.. But I was wrong..
When I first saw this girl a week ago, I instantly fell in love with her.. A feeling which I've never felt before.. Something which I could not comprehend.. I was instantly attracted to her.. Right until now, I still cannot understand why I felt this way.. Maybe it's something which I will never understand..
At this moment of time, I really wish to see her.. Every minute of my life.. Constantly thinking of her.. You may call this infatuation.. But I know otherwise.. It is something more than infatuation.. I would refuse to believe that this is just a crush.. It is something more.. Something which I again can't comprehend..
Now comes the big problem.. For a start, due to some circumstances, the chances of us being together is somewhat slim.. Furthermore, I have no idea whether she is single, attached, or married.. Married??!!?? Yes, that would be the ultimate heartbreak for me.. Being attached would be another setback for me, even if she's not married.. Cause I believe that when one is attached, she must have liked the other person a lot.. Hence, going in between a couple is something I would not want to do.. Yea.. That is my dilemma..
Well.. Since there is nothing I could do now, I would really like to write a song for her.. It is something which I would do for a girl I love.. I would like to write a beautiful song for her.. I promised myself that I would write an even better song for her than the previous one which I wrote.. This is going to be a very challenging task, cause I really put in a lot of effort for my previous song.. I would call the previous song which i wrote one of my best effort.. So if I want to best my previous song, then I must have that very important bit of inspiration for this upcoming song which I'm going to write.. Definitely a challenging task, but a task which I would gladly embrace..
Now it's a matter of how I'm going to write this song.. After some thoughts, I found out that I actually have 3 ways to approach the song.. Firstly, I can try to write the song by pure desire of wanting to complete the song.. By using this method, I know I can complete this song in a short time.. But the song will lack the feelings which I want to portray.. Secondly, I can write this song by pure inspiration.. However, inspiration tends to elude me.. It will only strike me when I least expected it.. So it might take a very long time before I complete the song.. Therefore, I've chosen the last method, and that is setting the mood for writting the song.. I've already decided to base this song on a melancholic setting.. So I'm going to choose a melancholic song, listen to it repeatedly, and hope to derive something from there.. In this way, I'm allowing my inspiration to come to me when I'm expecting it.. So I guess this is the best option..
After writting all the above, I found out that I can be quite contradictory at times.. Going through my post, I noticed that I'm being very paradoxical at many instances.. Yea.. That's me alright.. As what I've stated at the start of my blog, I'm a very complex person.. Sometimes so complex that I myself can't comprehend.. But that's the real me.. So I would not want to make any attempts to change myself.. If I were to change my character, then it wouldn't be me anymore.. Yea.. This is me.. And I'm here to stay.. Like it or not.. Yea..
Well, I guess it's about time to end my post for today.. A very long post indeed.. It's been some time since I've written such a long post.. But Love for this girl is something I can go on and on.. Although I've only known her for a week or so, I have this unique feeling that she is a very suitable candidate for what I would call "my soulmate".. Maybe I'm being a little too sentimental and emotional here.. But at least I'm being true to my feelings..
Well.. Guess I would put an end to this now.. Really hope to be with this special girl someday.. I will not give up until the chances of us being together are being reduced to zero.. I will continue to think of her.. Yea.. After writting this post, the "suffocating" feeling which I've been feeling is somewhat lessen.. Yea.. Hope that things would make a turn for the good.. Yea..