To Rock Bottom.. And Back...
Went on a rollercoaster of emotions yesterday.. Extreme fluctuations of my feelings were experienced yesterday.. Now, I'm feeling lost again.. Not really sure of my feelings again..
As mentioned in my previous post, I decided to take the plunge on Friday.. Received no reply from her, and I thought everything was lost.. This was the end.. So I was feeling very dejected.. Jaded at the same time.. That was how I felt for the whole of yesterday..
Actually, I SMSed her quite late on Friday night.. Waited for her reply, but to no avail.. I thought to myself: Why didn't she reply to me?? At that moment, a horrendous thought struck me.. If she's not free, I'm sure she'll at least reply me and tell me that.. But what if she's aware of my feelings for her?? By not replying to me, is she trying to tell me in a subtle way that she is not going to give me any chances at all?? Is she indirectly telling me that I should not bother her again?? Maybe that's why she's ignoring me.. All these thoughts raced through my mind at that instance.. I felt so dejected, jaded with love at the same time..
On Saturday morning, I checked my handphone again.. Still no reply.. I thought she was already asleep on Friday night when I SMSed her.. Therefore, she didn't reply me.. But when I didn't get her reply by Saturday morning, I was very dejected.. Nevertheless, I still went for my Geyong seniors' performance at Plaza Singapura at 2:45pm yesterday.. Great performance by them.. Went to grab a bite with some of them after the performance.. Found out that all of them are a great bunch of guys.. Couldn't stop laughing when some of them cracked 'lame' jokes.. Was entertained throughout the 2 hours I was there.. At least I felt so much better at that time.. However, it seemed that most of them are happily attached.. Hearing them talk about things they did with their other half, I couldn't help but feel so out of place again.. Went home at around 5pm..
By yesterday night, my feelings hit rock bottom.. Cause I've already given up any hope of getting any replies from her.. I was consigned to my destiny.. At that moment of time, I told myself: I need to start to forget all thoughts of being with her.. I was quite determined to pull myself out of this futile relationship.. And also out of the misery I'm causing myself.. I tried to get her off my mind.. At least my initial efforts look encouraging..
But things weren't that simple.. The situation took a turn which was very unexpected, which to me, came as a real surprise.. When I woke up this morning, I took a look at my handphone, and saw.. Her SMS... She said she was very busy.. That's why she took so long to reply me.. She was hoping to tell me that if she sees me online.. But I was not on MSN yesterday.. When I saw her SMS, I suddenly felt very lost.. What is it that I'm feeling now?? Have I started to stop thinking about her?? If I'm doing that, with this SMS, what should I do?? What exactly do I feel about her now?? Am I still able to feel the way I had for her before yesterday?? Will I feel differently about her now?? With all these in mind, I feel so lost..
For the past 2 days, my feelings hit rock bottom, and back.. But at least I know that she is not ignoring me.. That is a piece of good news to me.. But until now, I'm still not able to come to a satisfactory conclusion.. I'm so lost.. Hopefully I'll come to a correct decision soon.. Yea..
As mentioned in my previous post, I decided to take the plunge on Friday.. Received no reply from her, and I thought everything was lost.. This was the end.. So I was feeling very dejected.. Jaded at the same time.. That was how I felt for the whole of yesterday..
Actually, I SMSed her quite late on Friday night.. Waited for her reply, but to no avail.. I thought to myself: Why didn't she reply to me?? At that moment, a horrendous thought struck me.. If she's not free, I'm sure she'll at least reply me and tell me that.. But what if she's aware of my feelings for her?? By not replying to me, is she trying to tell me in a subtle way that she is not going to give me any chances at all?? Is she indirectly telling me that I should not bother her again?? Maybe that's why she's ignoring me.. All these thoughts raced through my mind at that instance.. I felt so dejected, jaded with love at the same time..
On Saturday morning, I checked my handphone again.. Still no reply.. I thought she was already asleep on Friday night when I SMSed her.. Therefore, she didn't reply me.. But when I didn't get her reply by Saturday morning, I was very dejected.. Nevertheless, I still went for my Geyong seniors' performance at Plaza Singapura at 2:45pm yesterday.. Great performance by them.. Went to grab a bite with some of them after the performance.. Found out that all of them are a great bunch of guys.. Couldn't stop laughing when some of them cracked 'lame' jokes.. Was entertained throughout the 2 hours I was there.. At least I felt so much better at that time.. However, it seemed that most of them are happily attached.. Hearing them talk about things they did with their other half, I couldn't help but feel so out of place again.. Went home at around 5pm..
By yesterday night, my feelings hit rock bottom.. Cause I've already given up any hope of getting any replies from her.. I was consigned to my destiny.. At that moment of time, I told myself: I need to start to forget all thoughts of being with her.. I was quite determined to pull myself out of this futile relationship.. And also out of the misery I'm causing myself.. I tried to get her off my mind.. At least my initial efforts look encouraging..
But things weren't that simple.. The situation took a turn which was very unexpected, which to me, came as a real surprise.. When I woke up this morning, I took a look at my handphone, and saw.. Her SMS... She said she was very busy.. That's why she took so long to reply me.. She was hoping to tell me that if she sees me online.. But I was not on MSN yesterday.. When I saw her SMS, I suddenly felt very lost.. What is it that I'm feeling now?? Have I started to stop thinking about her?? If I'm doing that, with this SMS, what should I do?? What exactly do I feel about her now?? Am I still able to feel the way I had for her before yesterday?? Will I feel differently about her now?? With all these in mind, I feel so lost..
For the past 2 days, my feelings hit rock bottom, and back.. But at least I know that she is not ignoring me.. That is a piece of good news to me.. But until now, I'm still not able to come to a satisfactory conclusion.. I'm so lost.. Hopefully I'll come to a correct decision soon.. Yea..