Lost in thoughts.. (Part II)
Rainy day.. There goes my plan of going out to get the L'Arc~en~Ciel DVD.. Nevermind.. I can always do that after my Economics examination on Friday.. For now, I guess I'll continue with what I wanted to write yesterday..
Ever since the examinations last week, I have been lost in thoughts.. Can't help but think of a lot of things.. Somehow, this week doesn't feel like an exam week to me.. Maybe it's because my last 2 papers this week happen to be "Effective Communication" and "Economics".. I am more comfortable with these 2 subjects compared to those 3 which I had last week..
A lot of things seemed to flow in and out of my mind.. My future, my dreams, my hopes, my feelings, my thoughts.. All these keep coming to my mind.. Can't help but wonder what would happen if I don't do well for my exams.. What will happen?? But as of now, I have decided to stop thinking too much about this, cause there's nothing much I can do for the moment.. Will just have to do my best for the remaining of my papers..
Another key issue which has been troubling me is my feelings.. I know this is an ever-ongoing issue.. But I still can't help thinking about this.. Everytime I think about this at night before I sleep, I tend to fall asleep straight away.. This has become my solution to not being able to go to sleep.. Somehow, I feel that my subconscious mind is deliberately avoiding this issue.. Hence, until now, I still could not find the definite answer to this..
Although I told myself not too long ago that I'm willing to commit myself to ShwuYun, and give up Fang Hui in the process, my determination seems to be wavering.. Not that I don't feel for ShwuYun anymore.. It's just that I'm starting to feel that things are not going to turn out well between us.. I have this strong feeling that she already has a person in her heart, and they would be together sometime soon (if they are not together now).. If that's the case, I wolud not want to get involved in this.. I don't want to be caught between them.. But somehow, I can't seem to give her up without confirming this.. Even if this is confirmed, I don't know if I'm able to give her up.. After having some thoughts on this, I decided on the best course of action: Don't attempt anything drastic.. Just keep things to the level of friends and see what happens.. Hopefully time will provide me with the answer I'm looking for..
As I thought of this, I began to face another dilemma.. Do I stll have feelings for Fang Hui?? Seriously speaking, I'm not sure either.. Thinking back on the times I spent with them (I've only gone out with each of them once, as friends nevertheless) I can't help but realize that the feelings I had on both occasions is very different.. Although I'm quite comfortable going out with either of them, the feelings I had was very different.. With Fang Hui, there existed a kind of awkwardness at times.. We did communicate well on some issues, but the awkwardness was there at times.. With her, it did give me the feeling of going out on a date with someone (although I need to stress the fact that that time was purely just a casual meeting with a friend).. But with ShwuYun, things were completely different.. Since we did not really know each other well before the meeting, I expected the atmosphere to be that of awkwardness when we meet.. But somehow, this was not the case.. After meeting her, I was quite surprised that there was no feeling of awkwardness between us.. We managed to talk to each other like we have known each other for a long time.. Maybe it's because we had a common topic.. Maybe it's because she is a friendly person.. But somehow, we talked like we've known each other for a long time.. So much so that I thought I was going out with an old friend of mine.. If I really like her, should this be the feeling I get?? Or should it be the feeling I had when going out with Fang Hui?? I'm really lost on this.. Who do I really like??
Thought I found the answer yesterday.. Not sure if this is the correct answer, but I guess I have to choose to believe this.. Did a compatibility test yesterday whereby the birth dates of 2 people are calculated to see if the outcome between them is positive or negative.. Was curious on this and so I decided to give it a try.. I input my birth date together with that of Fang Hui and ShwuYun and got the results.. With Fang Hui, I got a value of positive 310; With ShwuYun, I got a value of positive 1316, a very much higher score.. In addition, with ShwuYun, there are these 2 statement: It's an excellent aspect for a union because the two people go remarkably well together. They are made to understand each other, to complement each other and to support each other.
Maybe this is why we could communicate so well together.. Or so I choose to believe.. With this, I have decided to keep my devotion to ShwuYun.. Hopefully things will turn out fine.. Although this somewhat lessen the dilemma I have, I guess that's the best I could do for now.. The only comfort I have is that I'm only torn between 2 girls, and not more.. Hopefully time will provide me with the answer...
Ever since the examinations last week, I have been lost in thoughts.. Can't help but think of a lot of things.. Somehow, this week doesn't feel like an exam week to me.. Maybe it's because my last 2 papers this week happen to be "Effective Communication" and "Economics".. I am more comfortable with these 2 subjects compared to those 3 which I had last week..
A lot of things seemed to flow in and out of my mind.. My future, my dreams, my hopes, my feelings, my thoughts.. All these keep coming to my mind.. Can't help but wonder what would happen if I don't do well for my exams.. What will happen?? But as of now, I have decided to stop thinking too much about this, cause there's nothing much I can do for the moment.. Will just have to do my best for the remaining of my papers..
Another key issue which has been troubling me is my feelings.. I know this is an ever-ongoing issue.. But I still can't help thinking about this.. Everytime I think about this at night before I sleep, I tend to fall asleep straight away.. This has become my solution to not being able to go to sleep.. Somehow, I feel that my subconscious mind is deliberately avoiding this issue.. Hence, until now, I still could not find the definite answer to this..
Although I told myself not too long ago that I'm willing to commit myself to ShwuYun, and give up Fang Hui in the process, my determination seems to be wavering.. Not that I don't feel for ShwuYun anymore.. It's just that I'm starting to feel that things are not going to turn out well between us.. I have this strong feeling that she already has a person in her heart, and they would be together sometime soon (if they are not together now).. If that's the case, I wolud not want to get involved in this.. I don't want to be caught between them.. But somehow, I can't seem to give her up without confirming this.. Even if this is confirmed, I don't know if I'm able to give her up.. After having some thoughts on this, I decided on the best course of action: Don't attempt anything drastic.. Just keep things to the level of friends and see what happens.. Hopefully time will provide me with the answer I'm looking for..
As I thought of this, I began to face another dilemma.. Do I stll have feelings for Fang Hui?? Seriously speaking, I'm not sure either.. Thinking back on the times I spent with them (I've only gone out with each of them once, as friends nevertheless) I can't help but realize that the feelings I had on both occasions is very different.. Although I'm quite comfortable going out with either of them, the feelings I had was very different.. With Fang Hui, there existed a kind of awkwardness at times.. We did communicate well on some issues, but the awkwardness was there at times.. With her, it did give me the feeling of going out on a date with someone (although I need to stress the fact that that time was purely just a casual meeting with a friend).. But with ShwuYun, things were completely different.. Since we did not really know each other well before the meeting, I expected the atmosphere to be that of awkwardness when we meet.. But somehow, this was not the case.. After meeting her, I was quite surprised that there was no feeling of awkwardness between us.. We managed to talk to each other like we have known each other for a long time.. Maybe it's because we had a common topic.. Maybe it's because she is a friendly person.. But somehow, we talked like we've known each other for a long time.. So much so that I thought I was going out with an old friend of mine.. If I really like her, should this be the feeling I get?? Or should it be the feeling I had when going out with Fang Hui?? I'm really lost on this.. Who do I really like??
Thought I found the answer yesterday.. Not sure if this is the correct answer, but I guess I have to choose to believe this.. Did a compatibility test yesterday whereby the birth dates of 2 people are calculated to see if the outcome between them is positive or negative.. Was curious on this and so I decided to give it a try.. I input my birth date together with that of Fang Hui and ShwuYun and got the results.. With Fang Hui, I got a value of positive 310; With ShwuYun, I got a value of positive 1316, a very much higher score.. In addition, with ShwuYun, there are these 2 statement: It's an excellent aspect for a union because the two people go remarkably well together. They are made to understand each other, to complement each other and to support each other.
Maybe this is why we could communicate so well together.. Or so I choose to believe.. With this, I have decided to keep my devotion to ShwuYun.. Hopefully things will turn out fine.. Although this somewhat lessen the dilemma I have, I guess that's the best I could do for now.. The only comfort I have is that I'm only torn between 2 girls, and not more.. Hopefully time will provide me with the answer...
posted by Dark Messenger at 1:34 PM
