Today is April's Fool day.. But I guess the biggest fool is me.. What makes me think this way?? Cause I did something which I did some years back and ended up getting the same outcome..
What exactly did I do?? Well.. Put it this way.. I told Fang Hui how I feel about her in a subtle way.. Well.. Perhaps it's not that subtle.. But in the end, I got the same outcome which I got few years back (for those who know me, I guess you all know what I'm talking about).. Yea.. That is what happened.. I guess it was a very wild decision to make.. But I guess there's no point regretting my decision now.. Have to look forward..
I'm not really afraid of rejection; I'm just afraid of losing a friend.. Well.. Maybe I shouldn't say I'm not afraid of rejection.. In some ways, it will still affect me in a way or another.. But I'm more concern about losing a friend..
Well.. I guess things wouldn't be as bad as I expect, but I'm not taking any chances.. I just hope that she will continue to be friends with me.. I have let her know how I feel about this.. Hopefully she will understand..
Well.. I was really subjected to a bout of pain when I got her reply.. Maybe it's because I'm a person who looks too much into things.. That's why I think I'm reading too much into her reply.. Her reply may well be a very simple one.. But I think I'm thinking too much into her reply.. I felt that her words were sharp, perhaps too sharp.. Maybe I'm being overly worried here, but I guess that's my nature.. I tend to look too deep into things.. Don't worry though.. I will get over it.. Yea..
I don't know what after-effects I will suffer because of this incident.. I hope I don't suffer too much after-effects due to this.. Time will tell... But one thing is for sure: This time round, I'm really emotionally jaded.. I don't think I will have the courage to tell anyone how I feel about them.. At least for now.. I guess it's best to let nature take its course.. Hopefully someone more suitable will come into my life some time in the future..
I guess this is also a big reason why I enjoy singing Rock these days.. To let out my emotions.. Not totally because of this matter, but also because of examination stress..
I feel like I'm losing my voice.. Perhaps I'm singing too much Rock these days.. I can feel a hoarseness in my voice when I sing these days.. Am I losing my crystal-clear voice?? Is this a good change to my voice quality?? Or is it a bad one?? I'm not taking any chances though.. I can't afford to damage my vocals because of my frustration.. That's why I'm cutting down on Rock.. But I'm still singing them at times, cause by singing Rock, my vocal range has improved a lot.. The only thing that is changing is the quality of my voice.. I hope that one day, I can learn the correct techniques of singing Rock.. Cause I do enjoy Rock a lot..
I'm not sure if I will undergo any changes because of this matter.. Hopefully not.. I will try to take this matter in my stride.. Don't worry.. I won't go down so easily.. I will be back, stronger than ever.. I will take this as another life experience.. I will be emotionally stronger with this...
Uploaded another song on my blog.. This song is called "
Everlasting", from BoA's latest album.. A great song in my opinion.. The lyrics are somewhat melancholic.. A song that suits me best at this point of time..
Don't worry guys.. I know what I'm doing.. I will be stronger than ever...
Everlasting - BoA
街路樹残る 雪たちに 光と風が降り注ぐ
胸を張ってもうつむいても 季節は足を止めないね
指切りみたい交わしてた じゃあね,と,またねっ,ていう言葉
慣れた仕草も忘れるの?違う未来へいくの?
このさよならが旅立ちならば 僕の笑顔をぜんぶあげるよ
出逢った事も 歩いた街も 二人の胸で生き続けるの
ずっとずっと忘れない 扉幾つ開けても
どんなに遠く離れても つないだ手と手 離れはしない
無理矢理にでも忘れなきゃ 次の自分に行けないの
動き始めたホーム越し 君が小さくなる
くじけた時は そう僕のため 大丈夫だと 泣いてくれたね
恥じないように強くなるから 約束するよ 夢は叶える
音のしない涙が この胸流れるけど
悔やまずに踏み出すよ I'm sorry for your tenderness また逢えるまで
Everlasting...
このさよならが旅立ちならば 僕の笑顔をぜんぶあげるよ
出逢った事も 歩いた街も 二人の胸で生き続けるの
ずっとずっと忘れない 扉いくつ開けても
どんなに遠く離れても つないだ手と手 離れはしない
TRANSLATION
The remaining snow on the roadside trees,
are blown away in the light.
Even if I'm filled with pride or looking down at myself,
I can't stop the seasons from changing.
Just like pinky swearing,
or saying phrases like "bye" or "see you".
How can you forget these familiar gestures?
Are we headed to different futures?
If this farewell is the beginning of a journey,
I'll smile as much as I can for you.
Even the fact that we met and the streets we've walked
will remain in our hearts.
I'll never, ever forget,
even if I open countless doors.
It doesn't matter how far apart we are,
Our locked hands
will never separate.
I have to forget you even if I have to force myself
or I won't be able to face the rest of my own journey.
As the train starts to move away from the platform
you become small.
When I was in pain, for my sake,
you told me it would be all right through my tears.
I will be stronger so that I won’t feel embarrassed,
So promise me that our dreams will come true.
My silent tears are
pouring out of my heart but
I'll take a step forward without regrets.
I'm sorry for your tenderness,
until I see you once again.