I'm still as lost as yesterday.. Things seem to happen so fast.. I still can't decide if I can accept what is going on.. Somehow, I can't help but doubt that this is the start of another cruel joke by Fate.. Perhaps I had fallen prey to Fate's jokes too many a time.. Perhaps I am being scarred by previous failures.. But I found things a little too unexpected.. Never did I expect my friend to mention M in our conversation.. And never did I expect to find that M was single.. It just seemed too easy.. So easy to the point that I am beginning to doubt whether this is another trap set by Fate..
I'm sorry if I appear too sceptical.. Cause after all that I have been through, I can't help but think this way.. There's too much at stake here.. If I ever confess my feelings to her one day, I might just lose everything if things go in the negative direction.. I might lose a friend, risk having my confidence shattered again, risk becoming more and more sceptical, and also losing faith in relationships.. There's just too much at stake.. But still I am not willing to give up just like that.. Not many girls can invoke such a pain in me.. I just can't give up like that..
Doesn't matter if this is again a joke by Fate.. I just can't bear to give up like that.. I am willing to believe this one more time.. But this time round, I will give things more thought rather then following my heart totally.. I used to follow my heart totally.. But I always end up getting more hurt than ever.. This time round, I will use my head to think.. Think properly before making any moves.. But I fear my heart will once again take over my thinking.. If this is the case, then there is nothing I can do.. I'll just leave things to what they are..
My friend told me M is a nice girl.. After my few meetings with her, I also think that M is a nice girl.. That's why I'm not willing to let go without even trying.. Some might say it's too early to tell from a few meetings..But I trust my feelings.. In fact, we might have met some 16 years ago.. Just like how
Yang Guo reunite with
XiaoLongNu after 16 years.. I guess I'm getting a little too dreamy over here.. Sorry for my nonsense..
I am willing to bear the consequences of my commitment.. I just hope that things will go in the postive direction for me this time round...