Confusion???

Am I still confused?? Perhaps.. Or perhaps not... ... I guess I'm still confused after all.. I thought I was able to let go of my feelings.. But in the end, I think I couldn't..

Really felt that chances of me and SY working out is really very low.. But still I'm not able to let go.. Cause everything still seems to remain a mystery as of now.. I don't know if she's attached.. I don't know if she already has someone in her heart.. I don't know how she feels about me.. I don't seem to know anything at all.. With all these unknowns, I don't see how we can end up together..

Really felt like giving her up a few days ago.. But in the end, I faltered.. An innocent sentence exchanged through MSN suddenly brought hope back to me.. "go to K after open sch, k?" was what she told me.. I know I shouldn't look too deep into this very innocent sentence.. But this statement really gave me a glimmer of hope.. I once told her that although we couldn't take part in Impresario this year, we could always meet up for KTV some other time.. I was quite surprised she remembered this.. Although I know this is just a very innocent statement, and I'm giving myself false hopes by thinking too much, I really couldn't help myself.. Just couldn't help it..

But I guess after thinking for the past few days, I got some answers.. Perhaps not all the answers I want, but at least it's better than none.. I must try not to let myself think too much.. Just let Fate decide if SY is the one for me.. I will try not to do too many unnecessary things, and just let nature take its course.. Leave things to Fate, perhaps.. Yea.. I guess i have to do just that..

OG birthday celebration

Went out with my OG just now to celebrate Limin's 21st birthday.. Met at NYDC Suntec City at 7pm to celebrate Limin's birthday.. Had our dinner there before we proceeded to the Skygarden to sing her a birthday song and cut the birthday cake.. After which we chatted for a while before parting ways.. Half of the group decided to go to MOS to club, while the rest went home.. As clubbing is not my cup of tea, naturally I decided to proceed home.. Left for home at around 10pm.. Reached home at 11pm..

Today's so-called outing really brought back the bond we shared during our orientation days.. It's been such a long time since we had so many people attend OG outings.. Today's count was a whopping 19.. I guess everyone was too preoccupied with studies, hence resulting in very few people coming for our previous outings.. But today's feeling was really good.. Great to see all of them again..

I guess I'm still confused.. Confused over my feelings for SY.. But I think I'm on my way to finding the answer soon.. I guess so.. I hope so.. Today's not the time to elaborate.. Again.. Perhaps tomorrow.. Or perhaps some other time..

More confused than ever???

I think I'm more confused than ever.. About my feelings for SY (To keep things simple, I'll address ShwuYun as SY from now).. Don't feel like elaborating now.. Perhaps tomorrow.. Or perhaps some other time...

Christmas outing..

Went on a Christmas outing with my best friends yesterday.. Weiming, Gun Kiat and Kien Wei were all there, with the exception of Bernard, who was sick.. Nevertheless, we made the best of one of our last outings (or probably the last) before school reopens.. Spent most of the time sitting down and chat.. Time flies when we were engrossed in our chatter.. Before we realized, Weiming had to leave to meet his gf.. That leaves the 3 of us again..

Most of the time spent yesterday was on chatting and eating.. Did some shopping around before we proceeded to Orchard Road to take a look at the performance there.. Did not stay too long there as it was very humid and crowded.. Went home at around 10:30pm..

On my way home, I finally decided on the key for the song which I just wrote.. Although the song was completed a few days ago, I was still pondering over which key I should use for the song.. A few days ago, I wanted to use a higher key for the song; But now, I think I will settle for a lower key.. Singing the song in a higher key brings out the 'sorrow' in my song.. But at this moment of time, 'sorrow' is not what I want to bring out from my song.. By choosing a lower key, I am trying to bring out the feeling of 'helplessness' instead of 'sorrow'.. Yea.. Helplessly.. Not the 'sorrow' of not being able to be with the person I like, but the feeling of 'helplessness'.. I guess this has to do with what I've been feeling these few days..

Over the last few days, I've thought over a lot of things, with the most significant one being my feelings for ShwuYun.. I know deep in my heart that my feelings for her is still there.. Yet, at the same time, I know very well that the chances of us being together is very, very low.. Fate has dropped me a lot of hints that ShwuYun and I can never be together.. Yet, I'm still clinging on to whatever little chance I have left.. I've thought of giving her up altogether, yet I could not bring myself to do that, knowing very well that I've not done anything concrete..
I would really like to let her know how I feel, yet I'm not even sure if she's attached.. If she is, then I guess I'll just have to back off.. But how on earth am I going to find out??? All this kept going through my mind..

After thinking through all this, I've finally decided to let nature take its own course.. I've decided to let Fate decide things for me.. Yet, all this came crumbling down on me last night.. Much as I want to put her out of my mind, I found out that the more I do that, the more I falter.. Last night, I dreamt of her.. I wouldn't say I've never dreamt of her; It's just that last night, the dream felt so real.. I could see very clearly the features of her face.. It's as though she was just right in front of me.. Even if I've dreamt of someone before, I'm sure I would not have remembered his or her face so clearly.. What is this dream telling me??

Went to her webpage just now.. Saw some photos which she took on her trips to Genting and Thailand.. With the dream last night and the photos I saw, I can't help but feel my feelings stirring up in me.. Her innocence has melted my heart again.. Although I can't help but feel that she could be attached, I could not stop my feelings for her.. I wanted to stop all these, but I ended up plunging deeper than before.. Who can understand the heart-wrenching feelings I'm having at this moment??? I really don't want history to repeat itself, but I have a feeling that the same thing is going to happen again..

Really don't know what I should do.. Perhaps I should just leave things as it is now.. I really don't know.. Where can I find my answer????

KTV once more..

Went KTV with Kien Wei, Gun Kiat and Weiming yesterday.. The last time I saw them 2 weeks ago, we also went for KTV.. Not that I mind though.. We sang from 11am to around 2:30pm.. After which, we went to the foodcourt at Meridien Shopping Centre and sat there to chat.. Chatted for quite a long time.. Weiming had to leave at around 5:30pm.. After he left, the 3 of us remained there and were cracking our heads as to where we should go next.. Finally, we decided to go to Funan.. However, as we were on our way there, it started to drizzle.. We had no choice but to change our plan.. Headed for Plaza Singapura instead, as it was just nearby.. Spent the rest of the time in Plaza Singapura before we left for home at around 10pm..

Writing a duet??

Just sent an e-mail to the organising committee of Impresario to inform them of our withdrawal from the auditions.. Frankly speaking, I'm not really upset at the fact that we are not able to take part in the competition; I'm more disappointed that I've missed out on a chance to see her.. But I guess this is fate.. I'll just have to leave things to fate, I guess..

I guess I've more or less finished my song.. Just some more finishing touches and it should be done.. This time round, I've decided to keep the song simple.. All my works in the past have a 'bridge' part included in the song.. For this song, I've decided not to include a 'bridge' part.. I want to keep this song simple, and hopefully let the feelings show through the song.. I guess the final product will be out tomorrow.. After this, I plan to give a try at writing a duet..

Writing a duet will be a very great challenge for me.. Cause I've never tried writing a duet.. More things have to be taken into consideration if I want to write a duet.. Things like dividing the song into different parts, coming up with the harmonies, different keys for the song, and so on.. But I really want to give it a try.. Hopefully, I will be able to do it.. Hopefully...

Self-denial.. Again???

Nothing much to do for the past few days.. As such, I began to think over a lot of things, especially my feelings.. I guess I got myself into a state of self-denial again.. Knowing that things will most likely not go well for me and ShwuYun, I tried to remove her from my thoughts, as well as my heart.. To a certain extent, I guess I was quite convinced I could do that.. Until last night, that is..

I was so convinced that I could get her out of my mind.. But last night, I found out that I could not.. No matter how I tried not to think about her, I ended up doing what I set out not to do in the first place.. I know the chances of us being together is virtually zero, but I'm really not able to give her up just like that.. I guess I've fallen too deep..

I've done what I think I could have done, with the exception of telling her about my feelings for her.. I tried to create opportunities for myself.. I've asked her if she's interested in joining Impresario with me, and she said she's fine with that.. Things weren't going well when she told me she could not make it for the audition if we were scheduled on the first day.. With this, we could have prayed for us to be scheduled on the second day.. But, I decided not to leave this to fate.. I decided to create my own chances.. I made a request to the organising committee for them to schedule us on the second day, and my request was granted.. But how wrong I was, thinking that I could finally escape from the control of fate.. A few minutes ago, ShwuYun told me she caught a very serious cold, and so she wouldn't be able to recover in time for the competition.. At that instant, I finally realized that no matter what I do, I could not escape from my fate.. Chances can be created, but ultimately, the outcome will be determined by fate.. I guess this is something I could not deny.. Is fate telling me that me and ShwuYun cannot be together?? I don't know.. But up to this point in time, I'm not going to give up yet.. I'm not going to give up until I'm very sure that there is zero chance of us being together.. The only consolation I have now is that ShwuYun is willing to give another shot at Impresario with me again next year.. If this is really going to happen next year, I'm very sure I'll give a much better performance.. I hope by next year, I would have improved my vocals by much more than I am at this very moment.. I am constantly trying to improve myself, and I do hope I can see the results if we were to take part again next year..

I guess I really can't go against my fate.. With this happening, I've learnt to accept my fate.. But I still believe that chances can be created.. Ultimately, fate will decide the outcome.. But if done correctly, chances can compliment fate.. Am I blabbering nonsense again?? I'm not sure.. But this is really what I think.. At least at this very moment in time.. I guess the best avenue to channel my feelings now is writing my song.. I guess I'm around 80% done with the song.. I'm quite satisfied with it at this moment, cause it is really a true reflection of what I'm feeling now.. I hope it will turn out well after it is completed..

Nothing much interesting..

Repeated the same old daily routine for the past few days.. Nothing much interesting happened for the past few days.. Hence, nothing much to post either.. I guess I'll just post some of the results of the personality tests I just did...

Your Eyes Should Be Violet

Your eyes reflect: Mystery and allure What's hidden behind your eyes: A quiet passion

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

The Movie Of Your Life Is Film Noir

So what if you're a little nihilistic at times? Life with meaning is highly over-rated. Your best movie matches: Sin City, L. A. Confidential, Blade Runner

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

You are 80% Scorpio

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

You are 33% Sagittarius

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

Your #1 Match: INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

What's Your Personality Type?

You Have A Type B+ Personality

B+ You're a pro at going with the flow You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer A total joy to be around, people crave your stability. While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity. Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done You're passionate - just selective about your passions

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace. You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions. You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected. It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional. You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others. While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well. At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything. You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams. You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

What Temperment Are You?

You Are Apple Cider

Smooth and comforting. But downright nasty when cold.

What Part of Fall Are You?

Your Hair Should Be White

Classy, stylish, and eloquent. You've got a way about you that floors everyone you meet.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

KTV again..

Met up with Gun Kiat and Kien Wei yesterday for KTV.. Both of them will be going abroad this week, so yesterday was the last time we met before they leave.. Bernard and Weiming were not able to make it, so that leaves the 3 of us.. Nevertheless, we made the best of this KTV session and sang to our hearts' content..

After the KTV session, we made our way to Sim Lim Square, cause Gun Kiat wanted to take a look at digital cameras.. Along the way, we took a short walk at Plaza Singapura.. Spent some time walking around Sim Lim Square before we made our way back to Bugis Junction.. Found nothing much to do at Bugis Junction, so we decided to head to Suntec City.. Along the way, we decided to go to the National Library, after seeing that it was still open.. Spent some time there before we finally head for our destination, Suntec City.. Looked around at Suntec City before we finally made our way home.. Left for home at around 10pm..

It'll be some time before I'll see them again, since both of them would only be back in the middle of next week.. To Gun Kiat and Kien Wei: Bon Voyage.. Hope to see you all again soon.. Take care, guys..

"The Prince Of Tennis"

Nothing much to do at home.. After the examinations, it seemed that there's nothing much to look forward to at the moment (of course, I'm not going to look forward to getting back my results).. I guess I'm not alone in having this feeling, cause I know a few of my friends who also think this way..

Having a lot of time at hand is not really a bad idea though; it is in fact a luxury to have so much time at hand.. It's been such a long time since I have so much time to do things which I've always wanted to do.. With the time I have now, I can write some songs, play my guitar and also watch some DVDs.. I'm currently halfway through writing my song.. Really wanted to concentrate on the lyrics first, but it seemed that I couldn't.. As I began writing the lyrics to my song, a melody began to appear in my mind.. Subconsciously, I think I have already adapted my lyrics to the melody.. It seems that the melody happens to bring out the feelings that I've injected into the lyrics.. I guess I'll just have to see how things work out from here.. I do have a lot of hope about this song though.. Cause this song is written with my heart and soul..

Spent quite a lot of my time these days watching DVDs too.. My cousin lent me his "The Prince Of Tennis" series some time ago, but I didn't have time to watch it.. Finally, I can watch it now.. From what I heard, this is a very long series, and the set which he lent me is not completed yet.. So far, he lent me 5 sets of DVDs, with each set containing 3 DVDs, and each DVD containing 9 chapters.. I guess with this set of DVDs, I should have no problem making use of my free time.. After watching part of the series, I suddenly have the urge to try playing tennis again.. My last attempt at tennis was during my JC days.. And it ended in a disaster.. Couldn't really get the idea of controlling the ball at that time.. Hopefully I will do better if I get the chance to play tennis again in future.. Yea..