Birthday Celebration..

Gun Kiat, Weiming, Bernard and Kien Wei celebrated a belated birthday for me yesterday.. Decided to meet up since most of us have finished our examinations (with the exception of Weiming).. It has been a very long time since the 5 of us met up.. Was very happy to see all of them again.. Received an Adidas bag from them as a birthday present.. To all you guys: Thanks a lot.. Really appreciate all that you have done..

We had a very great chat together.. It's been so long since we sat down and chat.. Weiming had to leave early.. But after he left, the rest of us continue chatting all the way until around 10pm.. Had to leave as the foodcourt which we were at was about to close for the day.. Went home after that.. Hope to see them again soon.. Perhaps after Weiming's examinations..

2 nights ago.. I suddenly had this inspiration to write some lyrics.. Looks like the urge and inspiration to write songs is back.. I guess I'm going to start writing some lyrics.. Maybe this time round, I'll try writing the lyrics first before filling in the melody.. But as I start with the lyrics, a melody seems to form in my head.. I'm not sure if I will eventually use this melody.. For now, I guess I will concentrate on my lyrics first.. Really have a lot of feelings in my heart now that I wish to write down as my lyrics.. Writing songs has always been my most natural way of expressing how I feel.. Especially my feelings for someone.. I guess I'm going to write a song for 'her'.. Not sure how it will turn out.. But I'm quite sure whatever I'm going to write will reflect what I'm feeling now.. Let's hope that this song will turn out to be a beautiful one...

KTV..

Went KTV today.. This was supposed to be a Geyong outing, so I was expecting a lot of people to be there.. Was supposed to meet at Chinatown MRT at 12:30pm.. When I finally reached there (I was late after being caught in a traffic jam), I was quite surprised to see only 6 people there.. I was really expecting to see a lot more that that, but nevertheless, we went ahead with the KTV session..

We entered the KTV with a total of 7 people, had a maximum of 9 people for the KTV session, but when we left, there were only 5 of us left.. Quite a pathetic figure, but at least this was my first KTV session after my exams, so I did enjoy it.. I'm not sure if it was my illusion, but I found out that the quality of my voice seemed to have improved (or maybe it's because the microphone seem to make my voice sound better).. Although I'm not sure if my voice really improved, but one thing is for sure: My voice range did improve.. I found out that I can sing high-key songs much easier than before.. I guess it's mostly due to the fact that I tried singing Rock songs (L'Arc~en~Ciel) at home.. The "shouting" of Rock songs seemed to have increased my vocal range..

Was hoping to see ShwuYun today.. But too bad, she did not come for the KTV session.. Nevermind, I guess I'll see her when we meet up for our practice session before the competition.. Hopefully..

End of Exams...

Today marks the end of my examinations for Semester 1.. Did my "Effective Communication" paper on Wednesday, and today was my last paper, "Economics".. For now, I guess there is no point worrying about my results.. Should try to loosen up a bit for now..

Bought the L'Arc~en~Ciel DVD yesterday.. Didn't watch it yesterday cause I had to prepare for my last paper.. Things are different now.. I can watch it for all I want.. Below are some shots from the DVD.. Although I'm late by 1 year, I guess it's better than missing it totally.. How I wish I could perform on stage with a band backing up one day.. A distant dream, I guess.. But something to work towards to..



The title of the DVD..



Hyde..



Hyde again...



L'Arc~en~Ciel..

Lost in thoughts.. (Part II)

Rainy day.. There goes my plan of going out to get the L'Arc~en~Ciel DVD.. Nevermind.. I can always do that after my Economics examination on Friday.. For now, I guess I'll continue with what I wanted to write yesterday..

Ever since the examinations last week, I have been lost in thoughts.. Can't help but think of a lot of things.. Somehow, this week doesn't feel like an exam week to me.. Maybe it's because my last 2 papers this week happen to be "Effective Communication" and "Economics".. I am more comfortable with these 2 subjects compared to those 3 which I had last week..

A lot of things seemed to flow in and out of my mind.. My future, my dreams, my hopes, my feelings, my thoughts.. All these keep coming to my mind.. Can't help but wonder what would happen if I don't do well for my exams.. What will happen?? But as of now, I have decided to stop thinking too much about this, cause there's nothing much I can do for the moment.. Will just have to do my best for the remaining of my papers..

Another key issue which has been troubling me is my feelings.. I know this is an ever-ongoing issue.. But I still can't help thinking about this.. Everytime I think about this at night before I sleep, I tend to fall asleep straight away.. This has become my solution to not being able to go to sleep.. Somehow, I feel that my subconscious mind is deliberately avoiding this issue.. Hence, until now, I still could not find the definite answer to this..

Although I told myself not too long ago that I'm willing to commit myself to ShwuYun, and give up Fang Hui in the process, my determination seems to be wavering.. Not that I don't feel for ShwuYun anymore.. It's just that I'm starting to feel that things are not going to turn out well between us.. I have this strong feeling that she already has a person in her heart, and they would be together sometime soon (if they are not together now).. If that's the case, I wolud not want to get involved in this.. I don't want to be caught between them.. But somehow, I can't seem to give her up without confirming this.. Even if this is confirmed, I don't know if I'm able to give her up.. After having some thoughts on this, I decided on the best course of action: Don't attempt anything drastic.. Just keep things to the level of friends and see what happens.. Hopefully time will provide me with the answer I'm looking for..

As I thought of this, I began to face another dilemma.. Do I stll have feelings for Fang Hui?? Seriously speaking, I'm not sure either.. Thinking back on the times I spent with them (I've only gone out with each of them once, as friends nevertheless) I can't help but realize that the feelings I had on both occasions is very different.. Although I'm quite comfortable going out with either of them, the feelings I had was very different.. With Fang Hui, there existed a kind of awkwardness at times.. We did communicate well on some issues, but the awkwardness was there at times.. With her, it did give me the feeling of going out on a date with someone (although I need to stress the fact that that time was purely just a casual meeting with a friend).. But with ShwuYun, things were completely different.. Since we did not really know each other well before the meeting, I expected the atmosphere to be that of awkwardness when we meet.. But somehow, this was not the case.. After meeting her, I was quite surprised that there was no feeling of awkwardness between us.. We managed to talk to each other like we have known each other for a long time.. Maybe it's because we had a common topic.. Maybe it's because she is a friendly person.. But somehow, we talked like we've known each other for a long time.. So much so that I thought I was going out with an old friend of mine.. If I really like her, should this be the feeling I get?? Or should it be the feeling I had when going out with Fang Hui?? I'm really lost on this.. Who do I really like??

Thought I found the answer yesterday.. Not sure if this is the correct answer, but I guess I have to choose to believe this.. Did a compatibility test yesterday whereby the birth dates of 2 people are calculated to see if the outcome between them is positive or negative.. Was curious on this and so I decided to give it a try.. I input my birth date together with that of Fang Hui and ShwuYun and got the results.. With Fang Hui, I got a value of positive 310; With ShwuYun, I got a value of positive 1316, a very much higher score.. In addition, with ShwuYun, there are these 2 statement: It's an excellent aspect for a union because the two people go remarkably well together. They are made to understand each other, to complement each other and to support each other.

Maybe this is why we could communicate so well together.. Or so I choose to believe.. With this, I have decided to keep my devotion to ShwuYun.. Hopefully things will turn out fine.. Although this somewhat lessen the dilemma I have, I guess that's the best I could do for now.. The only comfort I have is that I'm only torn between 2 girls, and not more.. Hopefully time will provide me with the answer...

Lost in thoughts.. (Part I)

Will be having my second last paper on Wednesday.. But before that, my birthday is tomorrow.. Really hate to spend my 21st Birthday studying for exam, but I guess I don't really have a choice..

Really lacking in motivation for my upcoming exam, cause it is "Effective Communication".. No calculations involved.. Thank goodness.. But still, I don't really feel like studying too hard on my birthday.. Was originally hoping to ask ShwuYun out for another Karaoke session to finalise our song.. But too bad.. She is back in Malaysia at the moment.. So she could not make it.. Nevermind, I'll just have to find something else to do.. Perhaps I'll just go out and find the L'Arc~en~Ciel DVD which I was looking for..

Was chatting with Bernard and Kien Wei on MSN just now.. Looking at the time, I started writing this post at 11:01pm.. But taking a look at the time now, the time is 12:12am.. This means that it's my birthday!! Yea.. It was great to talk to them again after so long.. Really hope to see them again soon..

Was planning to write about some of my thoughts today.. But I guess I have to shelf that plan.. Maybe tomorrow perhaps.. Was too engrossed with talking to them that I only managed to write the first 2 paragraphs for the whole of 1 hour.. Now I'm too tired to continue.. Maybe I'll write my thoughts tomorrow..

As for now, I'll leave this post with this thought: I kind of missed ShwuYun.. But is she really who I'm looking for?? Or is it Fang Hui?? I thought I have given up on Fang Hui.. But somehow the feeling I had when I go out with them is different in both cases.. What is it that I'm feeling?? Is my determination wavering?? I guess I'll touch more on that tomorrow.. Hopefully..

The end??

Did my Electronics examination on Wednesday, and Programming Examination today.. Both papers are extremely difficult.. Maybe it's because I had myself to blame for not studying hard enough.. But it doesn't seem to be the case.. Cause everyone seems to feel that the examinations are very difficult, not me alone.. I guess this course is really a very difficult one.. Just hope that I can pass the examinations.. Pray hard...

Encountered something interesting today.. I came across this girl for a total of 5 times today.. A total stranger, but I can't help but notice that I kept on seeing her today.. I guess it's really coincidental.. First saw her outside the examination hall, saw her the second time inside the examination hall , saw her the third time after the examination, saw her the fourth time on bus 179, and saw her again inside Jurong Point.. I must say this is really a very interesting occurance.. But I'm not going to allow myself to be deceived by this thing called "Fate" again.. I have fallen too many times into its trap.. Now I'm very wary of such things.. But I guess this is really a case of pure coincidence, instead of fate.. I'm mentioning it just because I think it is very interesting to keep seeing this girl wherever I go.. Can't help but think: Is she in my course too?? Cause I've never seen her before.. Anyway, enough of this.. This is just a case of pure coincidence..

Nothing much to say for now.. Will end off with lyrics of another song.. The song is called "Jyojyoushi".. A very nice song with very nice lyrics..



Jyojyoushi - L'Arc~en~Ciel


kisetsu ha iro wo kaete ikudo megurou to mo
kono kimochi ha karenai hana no you ni yurameite
kimi wo omou

kanadeau kotoba ha kokochi yoi senritsu
kimi ga soba ni iru dake de ii
hohoenda hitomi wo nakusanai tame nara
tatoe hoshi no matataki ga mienai yoru mo

furisosogu komorebi no you ni kimi wo tsutsumu
sore ha boku no tsuyoku kawaranu chikai
yume nara yume no mama de kamawanai
aisuru kagayaki ni afure asu he mukau yorokobi ha
shinjitsu dakara

The love to you is alive in me wo- every day for love
you are aside of me wo- every day.

nokosareta kanashii kioku sae sotto
kimi ha yawaragete kureru yo
hashagu you ni natsuita yawaraka na kaze ni fukarete
nabiku azayaka na kimi ga boku wo ubau

kisetsu ha iro wo kaete ikudo megurou to mo
kono kimochi ha karenai hana no you ni
yume nara yume no mama de kamawanai
aisuru kagayaki ni afure mune wo someru
itsumademo kimi wo omoi

The love to you is alive me. wo- every day for love.
You are aside of me wo- every day

TRANSLATION:

this feeling trembles like a flower that never wilts
no matter how many times
the seasons come round and change the colors
I think of you

the words will sing together in an easy melody
all I need is you by my side.
to keep your eyes smiling
on those nights when the twinkling stars are all but invisible

I'll wrap around you like light coming through the leaves
that's my vow to you, firm and unchanging.
if this is a dream, let it be a dream
flooding with the glimmer of love,
because this joy en route to tomorrow
is the truth

The love to you is alive in me wo- every day for love
you are aside of me wo- every day.

you quietly ease even the sad memories left behind

playfully blown upon by a soft and friendly breeze
streaming in the wind, a glowing vision
you capture me.

this feeling is like a flower that never wilts
no matter how many times
the seasons come round and change the colors
if this is a dream, let it be a dream
flooding with the glimmer of love, it stains my heart
I always think of you.

An alternative path??

Today is the start of my examinations.. My first paper: Mathematics.. To me, Mathematics is my biggest weakness.. Wasn't really well-prepared for the paper.. But still tried my best for it.. The paper was though, but as I've already expected things to be worse, it turned out that it was not as bad as I thought after all.. Still, I don't think I did well for the paper.. Just hope that I wouldn't fail it..

Today, I've come to realize something.. And that is: University is for 3 types of people.. First: Those who are very smart.. Second: Those who are very hardworking.. Third: Those who are very smart AND very hardworking.. Unfortunately, I don't belong to any of the above categories.. This makes me wonder if I deserve a place in NTU.. My 2 weeks before the examminations were completely wasted by me.. Didn't manage to study much, although I tried telling myself to.. In the end, my lack of self-motivation and my laziness prevailed.. As I thought of this, I can't help but feel like thinking of an alternative path to take should I fail to go further in University..

Thought of taking up formal guitar lessons during the December holidays after my examinations.. Then if I'm able to grasp what is being taught, maybe I can take the ABRSM exams which follows after the lessons.. If I'm able to pass the exams, then I'll have something to prove that I have learnt guitar formally.. The certificate will then open the doors for me to schools such as NAFA and others.. It seems that I've thought of an alternative route to take.. But I guess all these will only take place if I fail to proceed in NTU (which I hope not).. However, I do think that my true calling is Music.. And the guitar is something that I play almost every day.. So it would be great if I'm learning something which I'm interested in.. But I do hope that I can continue my studies in NTU.. Hopefully..

Well.. I guess exam stress is getting to me.. Making me think of alternative paths and all that.. But it's really a daunting thought to take my exams while being so ill-prepared.. I guess I'll just have to see what happens next.. Well then.. Have to start studying for my next paper: Electronics.. Another killer paper.. Wish for the best..

"Fate"

Did some personality tests just now.. Not really sure how true they are.. But anyway, below are the results..

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more open with you.

With respect to money, you spend as little as possible.

You think good luck depends on maintaining good relationships with others.

The hidden side of your personality tends to be satisfied to care for things with a minimal amount of effort.

You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked.

When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you don't have any particular type in mind, but you are inclined to look for someone who will say yes when you ask him / her out.

Who's the True You?

Your Hidden Talent

Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people. You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together. Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly. People crave your praise and complements.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You tend to take more than give in relationships. You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent. Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art. You would make an excellent: Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

What's Your Ideal Career?

Your Heart Is Pink

In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't. Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time. Your flirting style: Coy Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant What you bring to relationships: Romance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

Your Birthdate: November 22

You tend to be understated and under appreciated. You have a hidden force to do amazing things, doing them your own way. People may see you as strange and shy, but they know little. Your unconventional ways have more power than they (and even you) know. Your strength: Standing up for what you know is true Your weakness: You tend to be picky and rigid Your power color: Silver Your power symbol: Square Your power month: April

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your Personality Profile

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important. You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection. You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

You Are a Retrospective Soul

The most misunderstood of all the soul signs. Sometimes you even have difficulty seeing yourself as who you are. You are intense and desire perfection in every facet of your life. You're best described as extremely idealistic, hardworking, and a survivor. Great moments of insight and sensitivity come to you easily. But if you aren't careful, you'll ignore these moments and repeat past mistakes. For you, it is difficult to seperate the past from the present. You will suceed once you overcome the disappoinments in life. Souls you are most compatible with: Traveler Soul and Prophet Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Well.. I guess in the end, I did quite a lot of personality tests.. To end things off, I will post the lyrics to a L'Arc~en~Ciel song.. The title of the song is called "Fate".. I guess it's another song that I can connect to.. Enjoy...



Fate - L'Arc~en~Ciel


kooru shinyoujyu no aida wo
fukaku kakenukeru unmei
nozomi hakanaku dakiyose
moeru arashi no uzu he

aa toozakaru hikari
aa kodou no sakebi ni

setsunai hodo ni kimi wo omotte
kono ude ga kono mune ga
daichi wo koete kokoro wo koete
taisetsu na hito no tame ni... ?

nagai re-ru no kanata de dare ga warau to iu no?

itsu yurushiaeru no ka
itsu owari ga kuru no ka

tomerarenakute nogarerarenai
gensou ni ayatsurare
tesaguri dake de hashiritsuzukeru
kono saki ga ayamachi dearou to

nani ga ai na no ka? nani ga uso na no ka?
wakaranai-- mujyou na toki ga semaru--

ima shijima wo kirisaki
ima yatsura ni oritatsu... aa
ima nerai wo sadamete
te wo kakeru shunkan ni

setsunai hodo ni kimi wo omotte
kono ude ga kono mune ga
kogoeru hodo ni furueru hodo ni
kimi dake wo kimi dake wo
haru ga koreba yoru ga akereba
ano sora he ano basho de
faster than anyone
if I ran through the dark
hontou ni musubareru darou ka?

nani ga ai na no ka? nani ga uso na no ka?
wakaranai.. tada kimi dake ga koishii.

TRANSLATION:


It's my destiny to run deep through
the frozen conifers,
vainly pulling my wish close to my heart,
to the eddy of the flaming storm.

ah the light withdrawing
ah to the scream of my pulse

I think of you so much it hurts
these arms, this chest
beyond the earth, beyond the heart
for the one I treasure... ?

Who could laugh from far down this long track?

When will we forgive one another?
When is this going to end?

It can't be stopped, there's no escape
manipulated by fantasy
I continue to run, only my hands to guide me
even if I'm headed the wrong way.

What is 'love'? What are 'lies'?
I don't know -time, merciless, closes in on me-

now, I tear apart the calm
now, I descend upon them...ah
now, I set my sights
the moment I meddle.

I think of you so much it hurts
these arms, this chest
so much they freeze, so much they shiver
only you, only you
when Spring comes, when night ends
to that sky, in that place
faster than anyone,
as I run through the dark
will we really be united?

What is 'love'? What are 'lies' ?
I don't know... All I know is, I miss you, and only you.

"Shallow Sleep"

Almost done with learning to play the song "Evergreen".. Not the most difficult song to play on the guitar.. The more difficult part is to try to sing and play the song on the guitar at the same time.. Is now around 70% confident of doing so.. I guess with some more practice, I will be able to do it one day.. Yea..

After learning the song "Evergreen", I would like to learn the song "Shallow Sleep", also by Hyde.. It seems that I'm trying to learn and play Hyde's songs.. Yea.. I really hope to play and sing some of his songs on the guitar one day.. Really hope to sing as well as him one day.. Besides that, I'm very much into unique stuff.. I'm quite sure not a lot of people will try to learn his songs.. Well.. I guess I'm going to do just that.. Learning to play his songs on the guitar serves as a form of stress relief for me during my examination period.. And I guess I'm quite determined to learn and play some of his songs.. Wish me luck on this..

Did a rather unique quiz just now.. It is called the "Which Hyde are you?" quiz.. Below are the results..


Which Hyde are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Speaking of the song "Shallow Sleep", I decided to learn and play this song after seeing its English lyrics.. Again, I feel a sense of connection with this song.. I guess it's because I can visualize the song in my mind.. Perhaps in one corner of my mind, I'm associating this song with my personal experience.. Whatever it is, I really hope to learn this song and play it on my guitar.. Not a very easy task though.. I guess this song requires more listening skills, as the guitar parts in the song are not as well-defined as the ones in "Evergreen".. Wish me luck.. Again...



Shallow Sleep - Hyde


I just saw you
Beyond the course of time
A room that we once shared
But my memory's a haze
Forgetting what was said

I gently held out my hand
And in that perfect moment
You disappeared - I lost you over again

In a shallow sleep I dreamt I was seeing you
Just how I remembered
Brimming with tenderness
And somewhere in the calm
A feeling that nothing had ever changed
Your presence close beside me till I wake

I just saw you
A moment far too brief
Before the daylight came
But my heart is beating fast
Perhaps we'll meet again

In the shallow sleep I dreamt I was seeing you
Just how I remembered
Brimming with tenderness
And somewhere in the calm
A feeling that nothing had ever changed
Your presence close beside me till I wake

I see you - until I wake from shallow sleep

An artist without a brush
Can't paint upon the canvas
Without you here - there is no colour
A colourless landscape

In a shallow sleep I dreamt I was seeing you
Just how I remembered
Brimming with tenderness
And somewhere in the calm
A feeling that nothing had ever changed
Your presence close beside me till I wake

I see you - shallow sleep

How I Wish...

How I wish there is someone out there who is thinking of me at this very moment.. Just a wish.. Cause I know it will never happen.. Can't help but feel a sense of melancholy surge up in me.. Maybe it's because the exams are coming.. Maybe it's because I'm thinking of that someone in my heart.. Maybe it is something else.. Maybe, it can be just anything...

Suddenly feel the urge to listen to songs by Jeff Chang.. His songs never fail to touch me.. I can feel the emotions in his songs whenever I listen to them.. Now is the perfect time and setting to listen to his songs.. I grew up listening to his songs, and singing his songs.. Maybe that explains why I can reach such high notes.. Is it a blessing to have such a unique voice?? I don't know.. Is this the reason why my voice is what it is today?? I don't know too.. Maybe.. Perhaps.. But right now at this moment, I will have to use this strange voice of mine to full potential.. Maybe this strange voice of mine will be what sets me apart from others.. Maybe.. Maybe.. Maybe..

Lots of maybe's.. But no definite answers.. This is what troubles me the most.. A lot of possibilities, but no definite answers.. A lot of options to choose from.. But what accompanies is again a lot of possible outcomes.. A vicious cycle.. Strange thoughts by me again today.. I guess it's just another surge of melancholy in me that prompted all these.. Don't worry.. I'm fine.. Maybe I will have the answers soon.. Another maybe.. For now...

My interpretation of "Evergreen"..

Finally found the true meaning of the lyrics to "Evergreen" after making a search on the Internet.. According to what I've found, Hyde himself said that the actual story behind the song is about someone dying.. But he said that this song is open to other interpretations..

Had a strange connection to this song when I first heard the lyrics to this song.. My interpretation of this song is: Someone dear to me seems to be fading away, and I'm trying my best to salvage the situation, by telling her how important she is to me.. A strange interpretation by me, I guess.. But this is me.. So, strange thoughts are never new to me..

Had ShwuYun in my mind when I decided to learn how to sing and play this song.. If that is my interpretation of this song, does that mean that I'm admitting defeat already?? Have I resigned to my fate of losing her to another guy?? Maybe this is what my subconscious mind is telling me.. But as seen from the second part of my interpretation, I'm still hoping to do something to change her mind.. Maybe that is what is in my mind.. Perhaps..

It's strange that a single song can invoke so much thoughts in me.. But I guess this is what I like to do: Relating songs to my personal experience.. Yea.. I guess I'll carry on practising the song "Evergreen".. Hopefully I can play it well one day..

Another Great Duet??

Bought Jay Chou's new album "November's Chopin" yesterday.. Another great album.. Went through the whole album and found out that the songs are very nice.. In particular, a song caught my attention.. The song is called "Shan Hu Hai".. It is actually a duet by Jay Chou and a girl named Lara.. This is actually the first time I see a duet in Jay Chou's albums.. He may have done some duets before, but to my knowledge, this song is the first ever to be recorded in his album.. Naturally, I decided to take a closer look at the song.. After listening to it, I was captivated by the song.. It is really a very nice song.. A very great duet..

I mentioned before that I dream of singing the duet "Xu Yuan" with the girl I like.. Actually, I have already done that.. I sang the song with ShwuYun during our Karaoke session.. However, the outcome was not really what I hoped for.. Cause both of us were not very good in harmonising.. So we could not bring out the essence of the song.. In reality, "Xu Yuan" is really a difficult song to sing, cause it involves a lot of harmonising.. But at this moment of time, I really hope to sing the song "Shan Hu Hai" with the girl I love.. Cause this song is really very nice, and this song is sung by Jay Chou, one of the few singers whom I really look up to.. Will ShwuYun be the girl to sing this song with me?? I certainly hope so.. This would be a dream come true for me if this happens..

Actually, after listening to the song, I started to think: If ShwuYun were to sing this song, I'm sure it would sound very nice.. Cause I do find similarities between her voice and the female singer's voice.. In fact, I do think that ShwuYun's voice actually resembles the female singer's voice at some parts (I'm basing this more on my memory of ShwuYun's voice).. However, at this point, I had another thought: I wouldn't be able to do justice to Jay Chou's voice if I were to sing this.. If me and ShwuYun really were to have a chance to sing this song together, I guess I would again spoil the whole song.. Cause Jay Chou reached such high notes in this song.. Notes which I think I could never reach.. Did try to practise singing the song at home.. But only managed to hit the high notes once in a while.. Perhaps I may do better with more practice?? Certainly hope so.. Really hope to sing this duet with the girl I love..

Actually come to think of it, I guess I was really attracted to ShwuYun's voice in the first place.. But now, I guess I'm starting to like everything about her.. Call me a fool if you like.. But I really can't help it, even when I know she already has someone in her heart.. Strangely, I thought I would be attracted to a girl by her eyes.. Cause usually the eyes would be what attracts me to a girl in the first instance.. Ironically, when I first saw ShwuYun's eyes, I thought I saw a glint of evil in her eyes.. Not really sure if this is the right phrase to use, but that was how I felt back then.. But after I heard her voice, everything changed.. I started to appreciate more and more about her, and now, I guess I'm in love with her.. Yea.. Can't really describe in words how I feel about her..

Came across a song by the name of "Evergreen" by Hyde.. Really like the song.. Went through the lyrics, and felt that there is a hidden meaning in the lyrics.. Although I'm not sure how other interpret it, but I guess I'll interpret it in my own way.. Since it is a guitar-based song, I really hope I can play the song one day.. Would be even better if I can play the song to her one day.. For now, I have to get back to studying for my exams.. Hope for the future..



Evergreen - Hyde


I lie awake beside the windowsill
Like a flower in a vase
A moment caught in glass.. Mmm

The rays of sunlight come and beckon me..
To a sleepy dreamy haze
A sense of summer days.. aa

If only I could stop the flow of time
Turn the clock to yesterday
Erasing all the pain.. mm

I've only memories of happiness
Such pleasure we have shared
I'd do it all again

This scenery is evergreen
As buds turn into leaves
the colours live and breathe
This scenery is evergreen
Your tears are falling silently

So full of joy you are a child of spring
With a beauty that is pure
An innocence endures.. aa

You flow right through me like a medicine
Bringing quiet to my soul
Without you I'm not whole

This scenery is evergreen
I need you far too much
I long to feel your touch
This scenery is evergreen
You've always been so dear to me

This scenery is evergreen
It sorrows at the sight of seeing you so sad
This scenery is evergreen
I wish that I could dry your tears

The bells have rung the time has come
I cannot find the words to say my last goodbye
This scenery is evergreen
You've always been so dear too me

A Foolish Decision??

The past few days had been quite hectic for me.. Was in real need of time.. But finally, things are over now.. Time again for some reflection..

Was rushing for my programming assignment for the past few days.. Actually, I only started on Sunday.. Had to hand it in on Monday by 5pm.. Thought I have everything planned out, so I didn't really get down to it until Sunday.. That was a very wrong decision.. Encountered a lot of problems along the way when I finally got down to it.. In the end, I had to rush through it on Sunday as well as the whole of Monday.. Luckily, I managed to hand it in on time.. Blame it on my lack of motivation and my abundance of laziness.. Told myself I will try to work on it way before the deadline, but this never occurred.. Must really dispose of my laziness and start doing things way before the deadline.. A thought to remember..

Besides the assignment, I also did a lot of thinking on my thoughts and feelings.. Really hope to come to terms with my own feelings.. I guess at this point of time, I have made a choice, albeit subconsciously.. Although I haven't really come to terms with my feelings in reality, I guess my subconscious mind has already made the decision for me.. I guess this time round, I will trust my subconscious mind.. Hopefully this time round my subconscious mind will make the correct decision for me.. With this thought in mind, I guess my heart will be with a single girl from now on.. In addition to this, I have also made a decision for myself.. Could be a foolish decision though.. Will talk more about this decision later..

Over the past few days, my mind went through a lot of thinking.. A lot of things seemed clearer now.. Came into contact with an avalanche of emotions, be it good or bad.. I guess I will try to elaborate on each of the feelings.. This way, I will feel more relieved to get all this load off my shoulders.. Being a person who prefers sweetness at the end of pain, I guess I will start off with the hurtful emotions..

Was in high spirits after the Karaoke session with ShwuYun.. But 2 days later, I found out something that actually sent me into a downward spiral to depression.. Perhaps depression is too strong a word to be used here, but this word was the closest to what I felt at that time.. I found out that ShwuYun already has someone in her heart.. Or so I thought.. Couldn't really confirm, but from the looks of it, it seemed so to me.. Chose to believe this was true at that moment in time.. Got myself into a state of depression because of this.. Couldn't believe this is happening to me again.. How many times must Fate play such tricks on me?? How many times must I fall in love with a girl, and find out that she already has someone in her heart?? I couldn't believe this.. Why is this happening to me time and again?? When will this stop?? All these thoughts raced through my mind.. Usually, when I'm in such a state of melancholy, I will try to sing some songs to bring peace to my heart.. Most of the time, I will channel these depressing feelings to a melancholic song.. Strangely, sometimes I don't mind having such melancholic feelings, as it makes me sing with more emotions.. In fact, I do adore such feelings at times (I know it sounds crazy that I like the feeling of melancholy, but this is true).. But this time round, things seemed so different.. I detest this feeling of melancholy.. I would rather exchange this chance to inject emotions into my songs with her heart.. Have I really fallen for her?? But I know very well that there is nothing I can do.. With this thought, I have no choice but to put this feeling into a song.. I chose the song "The Cape Of Storms" by Hyde to express my feelings.. This song is about lost love, which was, I guess, very appropriate.. This is the only song so far whereby I managed to inject so much melancholy into the song.. This song by itself is melancholic, so I had no problems bringing out the melancholy in the song.. I guess this is my best attempt at a melancholic song.. I guess my feelings for her is really so strong that actually made me so melancholic..

Now for the positive emotions I've experienced for the past few days.. After attempting to sing some rock songs by L'Arc~en~Ciel, albeit some unintelligible words (cause they were singing in Japanese, and I don't know Japanese, so I just sing along with my own words), I found out that my vocal range has increased.. Now I can reach higher notes, notes which I thought I could never reached.. A very encouraging thought.. In addition to this, I guess I've got my feelings sorted out.. At this point of time, I don't see the need to keep 'F''s name under wraps anymore.. Yea, for those who have been reading my blog, I guess you all know who she is by now.. She is Fang Hui.. Being caught between Fang Hui and ShwuYun put my heart under torture for quite some time.. But I guess my mind is made up now.. I have to devote to a single girl.. And I guess this girl will be ShwuYun.. I feel very sorry towards Fang Hui.. But I guess the times I spent with her will only have to go down in my mind as part of my memories.. From now on, I have decided to give my heart to ShwuYun.. With the current decision, I know I'm on my way to another heartbreak.. But after thinking things through, I guess I will just have to give this a try, regardless of whatever little chance I may have.. I am going to make this firm decision of devoting myself to her.. I am really jaded with the prospects of falling for another girl.. I would like to experience the feeling of devotion to a single girl.. And this girl will be ShwuYun..

Really could not get her voice out of my mind.. Her voice is just so beautiful.. I know this is again a subjective issue.. But to me, she has the perfect voice I'm looking for.. Perhaps I like her voice because her beautiful voice is something which I myself lack, or so I thought.. Her beautiful voice makes up for my imperfection.. I am really attracted to her voice.. But besides her voice, I like everything else about her.. Her smile, her personality, her height (she's around the same height as me, around 1.7m I guess), and most importantly, the feelings I have for her.. At this moment of time, at last count, I have listened to our duet together on my MP3 player for a whopping 60 times.. 60 times in 3 days?? Unbelievable.. I guess I'm really in love with her.. This song brings back the memories I had with her on that very day.. So I tend to listen to it every night before I sleep.. I guess my feelings for her is here to stay, barring any unforeseen circumstances..

I guess I have made my decision.. Maybe a foolish one (to devote to a single girl who has feelings for someone else).. But a decision I hope I can keep to.. Hopefully I will see some light at the end of this.. Wish me luck.. For now, I will have to devote my time to studying for my exams.. Wish me luck again..