It has only been a few days.. Yet I felt that I have experienced a lot of things.. Also seemed to have done a lot of things.. The more significant thing which I felt is actually this question: Is heartbreak the key to inspiration??
Guess I would start from where I left off last time.. My last post was on Wednesday, so I guess I should start from Thursday.. Had my Ecotourism Elective on Thursday.. As I had went for the very first lesson, I did not have to attend the first part of the lecture, since it was a recap of the first lecture.. Hence I only went for my lecture at 7:45pm.. Therefore, I had close to 3 hours to spare on that day.. Noyhing much to do, so I went to the library.. Actually, on Thursday morning, a melody suddenly came to my mind.. I guess it's because I was so caught up with the issue of SY and her 'significant other', which led to an avalanche of emotions.. This avalanche of emotions naturally leads to this melody that came to my mind.. So before I left for school, I recorded this melody down in my MP3 player.. By the time I left for school, I have around half the song recorded down in my MP3.. With time to spare on Thursday evening before my Elective, I sat down in one comfortable corner in the library to pen some lyrics.. Managed to pen down 2 verses in the 2 hours I spent in the library..
Next comes Friday.. Had
Geyong activity on Friday.. Since Gun Kiat had a makeup lecture, we decided to meet up at Canteen A at 6:30pm.. Again, this means I had 2 hours to spare, since my last lesson ended at 4:30pm.. Again, I went to the library.. This time round, I spent the 2 hours there to complete the whole song.. This time round, the avalanche of emotions was so great it led to me completing the song in such a short time.. What exactly happened??
Well.. I had a 2 hours break after my first lesson on Friday. Since I had nothing to do, I went to Nanyang Auditorium with my friends to take a look at the Travel Fair.. Guess who I saw?? Yea.. It's SY.. And she was with a guy.. I was quite surprised to see her there, cause I never really expected it to be so coincidental to see her there.. But I guess Fate is telling me something, by letting me see her there, together with a guy.. I guess Fate is telling me that she really has someone in her heart.. Fate is telling me to give up.. After this incident, I'm 99.9% sure that that is the guy in her heart.. Hence, I told myself that I should stop giving myself any more false hopes.. I must try to stop myself from falling further into this bottomless pit of no-return.. To Gun Kiat: I guess this explains the reason why I was so reluctant to take up your suggestion and sit beside SY during our
Geyong activity.. I guess you know how I feel..
Ironically, this heartbreaking feeling was the driving force behind my inspiration.. Never once did I spend such a short time writing a song.. I would most likely finish writing a song in a few months, or even never completing the whole song.. But 2 days is really a record, at least by my own standards.. Actually, I should say 4 hours.. 4 hours to write a song.. I really never expected this to happen to me.. Cause inspiration always tend to elude me..
Coincidentally, Friday's
Geyong activity was on composing.. Melvin was our lecturer for that day.. Someone asked him a question on whether a song should have lyrics first or melody first.. He replied by saying that either ways is fine.. Then he added by saying that usually either ways will be employed to write a song, but most of the time, it's unlikely to write both at the same time, unless the writer is being 'overflowed' by great emotions and inspiration.. There I was, in my seat, wondering: Isn't this what is happening to me now???
I guess this avalanche of emotions was really the underlying factor to me writing the song in such a short time.. Although my lyrics don't reflect the situation I was in, the feelings experienced was the same.. Back to the question: Is heartbreak really the key to inspiration?? I'm really not too sure about this, but I guess there will bound to be some connections.. As for now, I guess I have to try my best to let go of my feelings for SY.. Difficult... But I guess it's the best option for now.. With this incident, I guess it would be much harder for me to commit to a girl again.. At least not at this moment of time.. Hopefully things will be better in future..
On a lighter note.. Gun Kiat and I were shortlisted after our audition last week.. This means that both of us will be taking part in some of our upcoming concerts.. In fact, Gun Kiat is going to have his first official stage performance soon.. All the best to him..
Decided to add a new song to my blog.. The song is called "
Hitomi no Jyunin".. Again, this song is by L'Arc~en~Ciel.. A very beautiful song.. I had a very special connection with this song the first time I heard it.. This song is a very challenging song to sing.. This song really increased my respect for Hyde, and also gave me the motivation to work towards my dream of singing and writing as well as him.. This song is really a very difficult song to sing, especially during 'live' concerts.. I've also tried doing something new to my blog.. I've added the 'live' version of "
Hitomi no Jyunin" at the bottom of my blog.. Take a look at this video if you're patient enough to wait for it to load.. You'll see how difficult it is to sing this song 'live'.. The shouting and the falsetto really make this song a very challenging one..
"
Hitomi no Jyunin" is really a very beautiful song, as far as I'm concerned.. Below are the lyrics and the translation.. Meanwhile, I'll sort my feelings out again while listening to this beautiful song...
Hitomi no Jyunin - L'Arc~en~Ciel
kazoekirenai... demo sukoshi no saigetsu ha nagare
ittai kimi no koto wo dore kurai wakatteru no ka na?
yubisaki de chizu tadoru you ni ha umaku ikanai ne
kizuiteiru yo fuan sou na kao kakushiteru kurai
isogiashi no ashita he to teikou suru you ni
kakemawatteite mo fushigi na kurai...
kono mune ha kimi wo egaku yo
miagereba kagayaki ha iroasezu afureteita
donna toki mo terashiteru ano taiyou no you ni nareta nara
mou sukoshi dake kimi no nioi ni... dakareteitai na
soto no kuuki ni kubiwa wo hikare boku ha se wo muketa
shiroku nijinda tameiki ni shirasareru toki wo
kuriokaeshinagara futo omou no sa...
naze boku ha koko ni irun darou?
soba ni ite zutto kimi no egao wo mitsumeteitai
utsuriyuku shunkan wo sono hitomi ni sundeitai
dokomademo odayaka na shikisai ni irodorareta
hitotsu no fuukeiga no naka yorisou you ni
toki wo tomete hoshii eien ni
soba ni ite zutto kimi no egao wo mitsumeteitai
utsuriyuku shunkan wo sono hitomi ni sundeitai
itsunohika azayaka na kisetsu he to tsuredasetara
yuki no you ni sora ni saku hana no moto he ... hana no moto he...
TRANSLATION:
don't know how long... but it's been some time,
how much do I really know about you?
following the map with my fingertips isn't getting us anywhere,
I see how it distresses you in your face,
so much you try to conceal it.
It's strange... how even as I run in circles
as if resisting my advance to a busy future
my heart still draws you.
When I looked up, the radiance had filled the sky
without losing any of its lustre.
If only we could be like that sun always shining.
I want to be embraced in your scent... if just a little longer
the outside air pulls my collar, but I turned my back to it.
my sighs blurring white in the air, inform me of the season.
going through it again, a thought occurred to me,
What am I doing here?
I want to stay here watching you smile forever
I want to live each changing moment in your eyes,
in that one scene forever colored in gentle hues
to bring us close together, I want to stop time forever.
I want to stay here watching you smile forever
I want to live each changing moment in your eyes,
If one day I could bring you to a serene season
to the flowers blooming in the sky like snowflakes.
...to the flowers